In the subway

"A peculiar person is standing in the subway, observing the people around him"

There are so many people here today, I think as my eyes dart through the subway. With my hand I wipe some greasy strokes of hair out of my face. I should wash my hair. Then as I pull my hand away, I hold it still midair. Intently I look at my fingernails. Some are ripped. Some are longer. There is a lot of dirt under them. I put my nails to my mouth and start chewing them. They look dirty, I need to clean them. I want to clean them.

I pull my long, run down coat tighter around my body. It’s chilly down here. Luckily it will be summer again soon. My darting eyes suddenly fixate on a woman, waiting impatiently for her metro. Summer means that they will start wearing less clothing again. It’s sort of chilly down here. I run my eyes up and down the woman’s body, but then when she gets on the metro I let my eyes dart around again. That’s when I suddenly see them. I let out a quiet gasp en freeze in place, my hand is still at my face. How did they find me? I made sure to not leave any trails anywhere. How is that possible? I burned everything. Did I forget something? I turn around so that I’m facing the wall behind me. “This can’t be true,” I mutter to myself. “How did they do it? Maybe I have a chip in me. That must be it.” I keep whispering it out loud. It is necessary, to do it out loud. You see, they can read my thoughts. Not all the time, but bits and pieces they can sometimes hear. But if I say it out loud, well then it’s no longer in my thoughts is it? It is out of my head then.

Slowly I turn around again, while still muttering my thoughts out loud, and I glance at the two men still standing there. The left one is on his phone, while the right one is staring blank ahead. They look like regular people waiting for the metro. That is what they do, and they’re good at it. But I’m better. Carefully I start moving my feet in their direction. “I wonder where they put the chip. Why can’t they just leave me alone?” My shoulder bumps into a woman walking past, who flinches, but then keeps walking ahead fast. “Stupid shoulder!” He always does that. It is especially annoying when it’s an attractive woman. He just bumps in to them to make me feel embarrassed. Angry I start stomping my first on my shoulders. Stupid, stupid shoulder.

She reminds me of the woman on the streets of a few weeks ago. She was kind, that woman on the streets. She had nice blonde hair that shimmered nicely in the light of the lampposts. She gave me all her change and some food. Not a lot of people do that anymore. People are selfish. They are mean. I only ask for a little bit and I only ask the healthy looking people. That’s where you know you can get some. Dirty looking people usually don’t have a lot. And they fight back if they get annoyed.

I only want a bit of money anyway. To buy some beer. I need beer. Without my beer I get sweaty. I don’t like sweating, it makes my clothes smell. I should wash my clothes actually, I should’ve asked that nice woman on the streets for her clothes. Maybe this woman will give me some of hers. Slowly I start to walk after her. “That’s a nice coat,” I mutter quietly to myself. “That would look good on me. Wonder how much she’s wearing below that.” I stop walking once she gets on the metro and I get back to watching people.

I liked watching that woman on the streets. She was kind. I only had to tell her once to open her wallet for me. She then also gave me her sandwich, it was really nice. I was enjoying the taste of it while she stripped for me. The tears on her face were nice as well, how they quietly dripped down. They merged nicely with the blood that dripped down from the stab wounds. That’s when she did start making noise. Every stab made her gasp a bit, after the first one she started crying loudly. I bought some beer with her money. And the sandwich was very nice. I liked that woman, she was kind.

When my eyes lock on a brunette, I wonder if she’d be kind.